The Morning Sh*t – A TL;DR Summary of Jalopnik for 1/26/2018

"Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78) 01/26/2018 at 10:21 • Filed to: Taketheoutsideline, Satire

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1 st Gear : Something something used car values. When Carmax offers you $500 for your 1994 Taurus with 417k miles, they’re being very generous.

2 nd Gear : Sergio is still hitting the Grappa pretty hard, thinks FCA is awesome.

3 rd Gear : Ford still in love with “X” even after Taurus X failed. Promises autonomous cars by any means necessary.

4 th Gear : New Uber CEO predicts flying cars, apparently used to write for Popular Science. Also, his name is harder to pronounce than Travis’s.

5 th Gear : Urban muralist mad when his art shows up in Cadillac ad; forgets he painted it in public view.

Reverse : Dukes of Hazzard is awesome.

Nibby > Ash78, voting early and often 01/26/2018 at 10:25

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666 th Gear : infinite shitposts

OpposResidentLexusGuy - USE20, XF20, XU30 and Press Cars > Ash78, voting early and often 01/26/2018 at 10:29

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I need this everyday.

Ash78, voting early and often > OpposResidentLexusGuy - USE20, XF20, XU30 and Press Cars 01/26/2018 at 10:30

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Happy to oblige. I don’t even go to the FP much anymore and realized I was missing out. A little.

Wheelerguy > Ash78, voting early and often 01/26/2018 at 10:34

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I missed out on the Daytona 24 post, and apparently Torch’s supercars tiering post, too. Many thoughts were had by me regarding those two.

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > Ash78, voting early and often 01/26/2018 at 10:36

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Reverse: I saw a General Lee in traffic the other day. I just so happen to know it lives in the most appropriate place, off of a dirt road.

WilliamsSW > Ash78, voting early and often 01/26/2018 at 10:38

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1st Gear is a problem that will rear its ugly head at some point.

On 5th Gear, the artist wants ‘all of the revenue’ generated by the ad - which is for an XT5 - so it’s probably nothing anyways?

And I have a pilot’s license - flying cars would be a total shitshow. It’s never coming, get over it.

Ash78, voting early and often > WilliamsSW 01/26/2018 at 10:40

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To quote my grandfather, a lifelong aviator and author: “We can’t even get driving right in two dimensions and people want to add a third?”

WilliamsSW > Ash78, voting early and often 01/26/2018 at 10:46

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That’s right, and there’s no such thing as a minor bump or fender bender in the air, either.

OpposResidentLexusGuy - USE20, XF20, XU30 and Press Cars > Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies 01/26/2018 at 10:47

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In Knoxville there’s a guy with a new Challenger General Lee style. It’s funny to see.

Ash78, voting early and often > WilliamsSW 01/26/2018 at 10:57

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Yeah, and that’s the source of people’s fear of flying — serious accidents are very, very rare, but the results are usually more dire.

Can you imagine FARs for drivers? Physicals, check rides, type certifications, etc? None of that would ever make it because we already treat driving as a right.

If you want a flying car, go buy a folding motor glider that you can tow to the field . Some of the newer ones (and LSAs) are pretty amazing.

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > OpposResidentLexusGuy - USE20, XF20, XU30 and Press Cars 01/26/2018 at 11:01

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This is a ‘69 Charger, that literally lives on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere. It’s the most appropriate location for one to be housed.

Chariotoflove > Ash78, voting early and often 01/26/2018 at 11:47

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Travis who?